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| Jason Ahn |
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Power to the peaceful... Mar. 23, 2004 - Tuesday --- The passenger-door unlocking crisis --- If you know what I mean by this ... then you deserve an award of epic proportions. ... Truly. ... But if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, read on. ... The passenger-door unlocking crisis has been on my mind for a very long time. ... It is a phenomenon that happens only in cars with automatic door-locks or remote keyless entry. ... I'm only positive that everyone who is reading this page has had some kind of experience with the unlocking crisis. ... So here it is, in plain English ... So say you and a friend are walking to your car. ... You take out your keychain and car remote and press the unlock button. ... Now most of us know that pressing the unlock button ONCE will open ONLY the driver side door. Pressing the button a SECOND time, quickly after the first press, will open ALL of the doors on the car. ... Some of the more fancy remotes have a Trunk button and sometimes a Panic button, but I digress. ... So anyway, you press the unlock button once, and your door unlocks. Your friend on the other side of the car, however, has his/her hand poised on the handle waiting to hear that "click" sound of the unlocking door. ... When he/she hears that first click, he/she immediately tries to open the door. ... At almost the exact same moment, you the driver just pushed the unlock button a SECOND time to unlock the passenger door. ... Now we all know what happens when you try to unlock the doors and lift the door handle at the same time ... . The door lock gets stuck in a neutral position and the door remains locked. ... So to the passenger's dismay, the door is still locked and they can't get in. Now you the driver are supposed to get mad at this point. ... The passenger should have known that he/she had to wait for the SECOND door unlock click before trying to open the passenger door. ... And here's the kicker ... ... To remedy the situation and unlock the passenger door, you must RE-LOCK ALL the doors again so the locks leave their neutral state. ... Then you have to press the unlock button ONCE ... to unlock your door, and then AGAIN to unlock all the other doors, including the passenger door. ... ... That's 3 more button clicks. (Are you still with me? ... ... No? ... I didn't think so, but I'm on a roll so I'll continue babbling...) Now on the second time around, you LOCK all the doors. ... Your friend may or may not try to open the doors after hearing this click. If they do try, then they will find the door locked. ... If your friend waits to hear the second click, once again they will find that their door is still locked. ... Again, this is because the second click has only opened the DRIVER side door. ... Now here's where it gets tricky, again. ... If the passenger waits for the second click and lifts the handle while you're doing the third click, then the car will go back to that neutral-state of lock where the lock gets jammed. ... ... If this happens ... your friend deserves to be robbed, gagged, thrown in a bag full of chicken livers and sent to a garbage depository on Jupiter. ... ... If this happens, then you must once again start by RE-LOCKING all the doors and starting from square one. ... The best thing to do when unlocking your door with your remote keyless entry is to: - Either run to the car to get there first, then quickly press the unlock button twice to unlock all the doors ... ... Then ignore the weird stares you get from your trailing friend, knowing that you just saved the two of you hours of frustration. And now you know. So why did I call this thing a "crisis" ? ... Why the melodrama and hyperbole? ... Well, because it simply IS a crisis. ... Its not a phenomenon ... Its not an anomaly. ... Its not a situation. ... Its a fucking crisis cause it makes both driver and passenger frustrated out of their minds. ... Next week I'll be discussing the finer points of what happens when the driver farts in the car with a bunch of friends, and decides to turn on all the child-safety window locks. ... ... Mar. 21, 2004 - Sunday --- Procrastination Proverb #47829 --- Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off NOW.
I get an essay deadline that's months away, and I won't read a single reading or do any research until the week its due. ... I won't write an outline until the night before (if I even write an outline) and the entire essay will get written, formatted, edited and re-written not 12 hours before its due. ... Its a game. ... I do this to make that 1 week a true week of excitement. ... Plus it gives me more than enough reason to complain to people about how stressed out I am, which usually earns me sympathy, which in turn yields sympathetic talks on MSN, which in turn may lead to getting cookies or free dinner. ... I like cookies. Sometimes my mom will give me a basic chore to do like "Jason get some eggs" ... ... I'm all "yeah yeah, will do" ... ... Then I'll usually waste the entire day surfing, chatting, sleeping or playing online poker... ... By nightfall, I'll remember the eggs and drive to Zehrs or something to pick 'em up, only to realize that the store is closed. ... Then I'll head out to Sobey's to buy the most inflated, over-priced carton of eggs that a swindling, 24-hour, American grocery store has to offer. ... ... Done deal. ... Except my mom probably needed the eggs at dinner, which was hours ago. ... Procrastination should be an Olympic sport. ... ... and if not an Olympic sport, than at least the X-Games or something ... By the way, I wanted to post this blurb about procrastination a long long time ago... but I never got around to it until now. ... Procrastinators will rule the world!!!! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... someday. Mar. 16, 2004 - Tuesday --- Sheep in sheep's clothing --- I am a sheep. I follow whatever's there. ... Get up at noon? Okay, follow along ... Have to work at store? Okay follow along. ... Work at bubble tea? Okay, follow along. ... I hear a good song? I want to play guitar and write music. ... I watch a great film? I want to go to film school and make movies in some capacity. ... I talk to a classmate about work? I want to find a job and make money. ... I get an interview? I want desperately to work for that company. ... I start a good book? I make a list of 20 other books I want to read. ... I work out for a day? I want to play ball everyday and get good. ... I have an idea for a business or product? I want to become an entrepreneur. ... See a nice photograph? I want to pursue photography. ... Wake up tired? Sleep until 3 pm. ... (That's what I did today... heh heh) I am a sheep. ... ... baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Mar. 9, 2004 - Tuesday --- Stupid blogs --- I normally HATE when people blog about what they did during their day. ... Being the insensitive asshole I am, I could care less about the discount you got on toilet paper at WalMart or the new brand of shampoo you switched to. ... ... I'm much more into reading and writing blogs that tell a story, or joke, or are completely random and aloof and make zero sense to anyone at all ... But alas, today I shall blog about something that happened during my day. ... Its something big to me. ... ... But in all likelihood, you won't really care. ... well .... FUCK YOU. ... ... ... (no no wait ... Come back, I promise I won't swear anymore. :P) So. I went to see the doctor today for my "splendid" left knee. ... The same knee that has been "so kind" to me these past 8 months. ... The doctor was pleased with my progress. ... He's gonna give me a (ridiculously expensive) knee brace and suggest that I start trying to play sports in about a month. ... .... You heard right ... I get to run and play sports (hopefully) in a month or so! ... I can't wait. ... Life without the ability to run around like a 5 year old ... has been hard ... Anyway, I was so happy to hear that. ... And I'm still so happy now. ... I could cream my pants, really. ... But I won't cause that would be embarrassing ... ... And I generally don't like to embarrass myself. .... ... right .... yeah ... mmm-hmmm ...
Roses are red Mar. 4, 2004 - Thursday --- wtf? --- I woke up this morning and it was March. ... And then I realized: oh shit. ... It's fucking MARCH! ...
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| Jason Ahn |