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i'm into looks... but i'm also into books...

Apr. 24, 2006 - Monday

--- with gravy ---

Do you ever wonder why the English language uses the word "tender" to describe youth? ... Why do people say: "The tender age of 6" ... ? ... Where the hell did that expression come from? ... Are we to say that children, like veal, are more tender and juicy at a young age and are thus more desireable to eat than other non-tender kids? ... Why not just throw in a "succulent" ...

"I was the young and succulent, tender age of 6 when I first learned to ride a bike ... ... I remember that day fondly. ... It was the day before Chuck Norris ate me."

I swear, I think this expression came from a pedophillic cannibal ... Perhaps Chuck Norris himself.

Apr. 20, 2006 - Thursday

--- Monday night, April 17, 2006 - Leaster B. Pearson Airport, Toronto, ON ---

6:35 pm
Step out of the van, say bye to my mom. ... It's been a good trip, though
short-lived. ... I think of my friend and hope things are alright. ...

6:40 pm
Stomach full and mouth dry ... I walk up to check-in ... It's surprisingly
quiet, but I'm still stressed.

6:46 pm
Head spinning ... Drop off the bag ... Grab my boarding card and head straight
through the gates towards security.

7:00 pm
Sweaty from going through security check. (As always... although, I have nothing
to hide from them.) ... Thinking about what kind of plane I'll be flying. ...
Headache persists ... Thinking of my friend and why I didn't visit.

7:20 pm
Have been sitting and twiddling my thumbs for 20 minutes. ... Pace in my head
increases as I recall the events of the weekend ... the events I missed this
weekend ... ... A baby is crying, two kids with roller-shoes are scurrying about
... A CEO quickly grabs his vibrating Nerd-berry phone and answers it: "Talk to
me" ... My brain starts to turn to ginger ale.

7:30 pm
Many thoughts ... Good and bad and irrelevant thoughts all mixed in a brain-stew
at boiling point. The number of thoughts in my head are enough on their own. Do
I really need the CEO and the kids and the crying baby and the pushing people
and the blare of an incoming jet and the intercom lady announcing a delay on the
flight to Regina, Saskatchewan? ...

7:31 pm
Thought: My life isn't bad, at all. I am not going to be melodramatic. ... But
right now, my brain is going to explode, or I am going to puke.

7:36 pm
My brain does not explode. I do not puke. ... Instead, I baptize my stomach,
finishing an entire $3 bottle of water in one go.

7:40 pm
Now I can read. ... Saul Williams begins to speak to me, slowly.

7:50 pm
Saul Williams is intoxicating me. ... Libraries are forests... replanted

7:55 pm
A choir? ... I ignore roll-call for boarding as the sound of a choir catches my
ear.

8:00 pm
Having walked 4 gates down, I find myself one of many crowded around a 6 part
harmony high school choir singing Nova Scotia fisherman's song to a soon to be
retired member of Air Canada staff. ... Euphoric.

8:10 pm
The choir has finished. ... I'm boarding the plane, ready to tear the pages off
Saul Williams.

8:20 pm
Sitting, looking out the plane window over adjacent sleeping-fat-guy. ... A very
old but familiar feeling suddenly comes over me: The irrepressible need to sing.

Apr. 06, 2006 - Thursday

--- walking alone... at night in the dark... listening to music... my thoughts are a dance... ---

I don't like scary movies, but somehow I like the feeling of walking alone at night while a stranger walks faster behind me so their shadow creeps up towards me. ... Tonight was a good night for shadows.

I realized tonight (for the 8000th time) that I eat McChicken sandwiches upside down. ... I don't have a real explanation for this, other than the fact that I grew up watching my dad eat his burgers the same way. ... I think his theory was that less toppings fall out when you eat it inverted. ... I'm sure it doesn't apply to pizza and ice cream and pancakes with syrup on top ...

I think the experience of being deaf is best had when you walk in a crowded area with loud music blaring from your iPod/mp3player/walkman ... ... All other perceptions are heightened and you're especially sensitive to people's body language and other non-verbal forms of communication. ... I finished my walk tonight strolling through Waterloo station, listening to the powerfully anthemic classical-styles of James William... Mid-way through the station I saw a leg-amputated man share an extended laugh with a wheel-chaired friend of his. ... I stopped dead in my tracks in front of the Burger King... and realized that I won't ever understand what their laughter feels like. ... I mean, what does anything feel like after you've lost the ability to walk or talk or hear or see or touch? ... It was a beautiful moment and I felt ... blessed...

Then I motioned for the Burger King ... slapped myself in my mind ... turned around and headed to the McDonalds to eat said-McChicken .... upside down.